He works for a living, don't be an ass

I'm back in Des Moines for Austin's wedding for a week. There have been some close calls for big tourney wins, and some interesting nights, but I'll get to that later. Bored, and wanting to get drunk because I'm 12k below all-in EV over my last 1000 tournaments I slammed a bottle of Absolut with some Welch's Strawberry Breeze and watched Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Aaron Sorkin is a fanastic writer, and I've been grinding Sports Night with Noodleman while in Vegas, and Studio 60 is a well done show as well. A line in the 6th episode of season one made be reconsider my life a bit. An actor playing an actor on the show told a writer who was dealing with his redneck parents, "He works for a living, don't be an ass." I get paid to play a fucking game, why am I such an asshole all the time?

I have to grind an absurd amount in the next week so as to not go busto. Playing when you have to win is excruiating and although every situation I get into is my own doing, I can't help but think something of my situation isn't karmic justic for being a dick. I've run terribly for 2 months and have been a pretty terrible person to most everyone I know during this time. I'ts not that I'm unpleasant to be around, but in general I take advantage of people and aren't as helpful as I should be when I'm depressed or feeling like the world owes me something. What I've forgotten, though, is that I live a privelidged life. I go where I want, when I want. I have a sick house in Vegas with my friends to do nothing but gamble and have fun, and when that's too much, I can come home to Des Moines to see a close friend get married. It's not so much that I'm hating on my college experience, but poker and college together made me fuck a lot of it up. When I started getting depressed, I stayed in my room alot and used gambling as an escape. I don't have the kind of friends from college that I do from before, when I was happier, and I think a lot of it was me regressing as a person. Most of the people I want to spend time with are regular, good people, and I'm not sure I deserve them. I don't do enough to better the worlds of the people around me. I live a charmed life where I enjoy my job working about 15 hours a week and spend the rest of my time trying to be happy. From now on, I'm going to try and stop being such an ass to the people around me who are on a real grind doing unpleasant but productive work. I guess that last bit seems kind of patronizing, but their off time is more important than mine, and if their friendship is valueable to me, I should respect that.

Man this came of real emo-ey and dumb. Fuck it, raptor part 2 for me I guess.